****JOKE****

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee - You answer the door before people knock.  - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.  - You ski uphill.  - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.  - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.  - You lick your coffeepot clean.  - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.  - You chew on other people's fingernails.  - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." - You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.  - You can jump-start your car without cables.  - Cocaine is a downer.  - You don't need a hammer to pound nails.  - Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."  - You don't sweat, you percolate.  - You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.  - You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.  - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.  - You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.  - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.  - Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.  - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. - People get dizzy just watching you.  - You've worn the finish off your coffee table.  - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.  - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.  - Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.  - Instant coffee takes too long.  - When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."  - You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.  - You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.  - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.  - You can thread a sewing machine while it's running. - You can outlast the Energizer bunny.  - You short out motion detectors. - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.  - Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.  - You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.  - You don't tan, you roast.  - You can't even remember your second cup.  - You help your dog chase its tail.