Joke

If you had purchased $1,000 of AIG stock one year ago, you would have $42 left. With Lehman, you would have $6.60 left. With Fannie or Freddie, you would have less than $5 left But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turn in the cans for the aluminum recycling Refund, you would have had $214. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It’s called the 401-Keg! Lol
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Joke

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacywill be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,'You try again.'
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Joke

Hahaha ☺ A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally, conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.” The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earring.”

“Don’t make a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.
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Joke

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her. Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval. Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that! Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious.
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Too Funny!

 THE SHOEBOX A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the littleOld woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she hadCautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, butOne day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor saidShe would not recover.In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man tookDown the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.She agreed that it was time that he should know what wasIn the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dollsAnd a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told meThe secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me thatIf I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only twoPrecious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him twoTimes in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst withHappiness.'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?Where did it come from?''Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'A Prayer.......Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death, Because I don't have time to crochet.   
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Joke

     THE GOOD GRANDPA    (TOO FUNNY)          

A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3-year-old grandson.  It's obvious to her that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit, cereal and soda in their respective aisles. Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long -- easy, boy."  Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps again in a controlled voice he says, "Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."Very impressed, the woman goes  outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. "You  know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there.  I don't  know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter   how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be  okay.  Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."     Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But, I'm Albert -- the little   bastard's name is Steve."  I'm going to beat the s**** out of him when  I get him  home.  
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Yet another Joke!

I found this quite amusing..:)

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together,when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler.  The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?' 

Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' 

The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'..                                 

Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.                                 A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. 

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'                                 

Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

Once again, the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.                                 

Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.                                 

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.                                Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'                                 

The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'                                 

Laughing, Gramps replies, 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'.                                 

The little boy replies, 'Then go f--k yourself. Grandma made these for me'
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